I struggled with sleep last night. While Kyle was busy sleeping soundly, I was trying to keep myself busy in hopes that sleep would find me eventually. I was on Facebook, playing Candy Crush, checking the weather, and doing who knows what else in my MUCH too awakened state; but a hymn we sing frequently in church spontaneously popped into my head. I don't know the exact name of it but it goes like this: "There is pow'r, pow'r, wonderworking pow'r in the blood of the lamb...." Maybe you recognize it.
But anyway, this song pops up into my head and my mind started reeling! I started wondering why that song, of all the ones I love to sing on a somewhat daily basis, is the one that came up. I can't explain how/why my mind works the way it does; I suppose only God can because it's a mystery even to me.. but I ended up in prayer and realizing that I am TERRIFIED to die someday.. I'm not ready to leave this world because, honestly, I'm pretty fond of it. I'm happy here. This world has everything/everybody I've been blessed with in my life. Last Sunday, at church, the sermon was about focusing on Heavenly things and not worldly things. That might explain some of my thought process I guess... But as I was praying, I asked God to please show me how to loosen my grasp on the world so that I can be ready when the time comes to let it go completely.
Well, at some point last night, I fell asleep. But guess what my reading was about in my Women's Devotional Bible! The passage was the story of Hannah and how she dedicated her son to God after He had blessed her with a baby. (1 Samuel 1:1-27) The devotional, titled "Ultimate Surrender," was written by Katie Brazelton and she talked about how she had a hard time letting go of her house when God was telling her to. She fought and fought Him but she eventually did it and later came to realize that it was a blessing. The reflection questions that followed the devotional asked:
- What one thing are you holding back from God?
- What would happen if you released it?
- Why does God insist we sometimes give up things that seem to bring us joy?
Honestly I'm horrible at answering those reflection questions and I usually find some way to distract myself to where I don't have to...terrible, I know. But the lightbulb clicked at that moment as I was reading them and I realized that this can be applied to my struggles from last night! One of the biggest things that I'm struggling with letting go of is the WORLD!!! (Ding, ding ding!!!) I went on to read the little "Related Readings" portion and went to Matthew 6:19-34. I don't want to keep you reading my post any longer than you have to but if you're interested, I encourage you to read the passage on your own. God was speaking (almost screaming, honestly) to me this morning and I know that it's more than a coincidence that I was pointed toward these verses and stories today.
|One. of. my. favorite. verses! The rest of the passage really hit home too.|
While I know that it's not going to be an instant change, and I'm very aware that I will struggle with this my whole life, I know now where to begin..
I hope I didn't bore you too much. I just wanted to share my revelation with you in hopes that you can help support and pray for me. I know this is a worldwide, no pun intended, struggle for many others as well. Let me know if I need to add you to my prayers and maybe we can help each other!
Also, while I'm going on and on and on.... I know I didn't cite my devotional and its author too well but there's a link here taking you to where you can buy it if you're interested. Have a wonderful day!!!